CHRIS: We have two children, a boy and a girl.

Then it was a girl and a boy.

NATASHA DEL TORO: The Little Miss Westie pageant, a rite of passage with new meaning when a trans boy helps his trans sister compete.

REN: Can I try on your old dress from when you did Little Miss Westie?

DEL TORO: Gender, family, and coming of age.

ANNOUNCER: Please welcome Ren McCarthy.

DEL TORO: "Little Miss Westie," on America ReFramed.

♪ (Ren humming) LUCA: Ren, do you want to win?

(Ren continues humming) LUCA: Ren... (snaps fingers) If you could time-travel, when would you go and why?

- I would go back to when I was three or four, and tell my mom and dad that, that I was a girl.

And that I wasn't happy being a boy.

- Living as a boy.

REN: Living as a boy.

LUCA: Repeat, what's the answer?

- If I could... go back in time, I would go back to when I was three or four to tell my mom and dad that... That I am a girl and that I didn't want to go on living as a boy.

(exchange high fives) (Ren hopping away) REN: I'm a kangaroo, now!

- Since when is she a kangaroo?

♪ (electric piano playing, phone clicking) (clicking) (piano waltz playing) What did I just-- did I not, say not to play the background music?

That's not even the background music, that's me playing!

LUCA: Okay, well, stop.

(electric piano playing) Ren, stop!

I keep telling you to stop.

(percussive notes playing) (Ren giggles) SHELLEY: Oh, stop.

I get so confused sometimes.

I misgender the animals, 'cause... You know, I'll say, I'll call Mack "he," and then I'll correct myself and say "she," and then I'll say, "No, wait, he is a he."

When we first got Mack, I went with the kids to Petco to get Mack, um, a winter coat.

(chuckles): And they wanted to get Mack a fluffy, like, tutu skirt.

LUCA: It was so cute... - And I said, "But Mack's a boy dog!"

And both kids were just, like, horrified with me.

They said, "Don't put your gender roles on our dog!"

REN: Yeah, maybe he's a transgender dog!

LUCA: He doesn't have to be a transgender dog to wear a skirt.

REN (giggling): You have to give him a tutu.

SHELLEY: I don't think any dog really wants to wear a tutu, male or female.

REN: Okay.

We'll get Roswell a tutu.

(Roswell purrs) LUCA: Okay, you can put it on her.

(laughing) SHELLEY: Yeah, that'll be... (laughing): No, no, Daddy puts it on her.

CHRIS: We have two children, a boy and a girl.

SHELLEY: Bagels, what kind of bagels did you get?

CHRIS: Then it was a girl and a boy.

(playing notes) CHRIS: As far as the gender dynamics, they've switched genders in the past couple of years, but it hasn't affected who they are, I don't think, as much as solidifying who they are.

Luca is a sullen teenager.

Ren is a bubbly young lady.

You've never said it, period.

When have you ever said "shut up"?

I might say, "Can you please just shut up?"

She still said, "Please shut up."

♪ SHELLEY: Little Miss Westie is a huge thing in West Haven.

Ren doesn't know most of the other kids who are involved in it, and so she gets to go in and just be a girl, and be kind of a girly girl.

So this allows her to kind of explore who she's becoming more so than who she's been or who she is right now.

(Mack barking) REN: Little Miss Westie website.

Includes dress-up portion, an interview, a glitz and glitter session, and an optional talent portion.

The pageant names an overall supreme winner and then chooses champions for each age category.

Prizes include tiaras, sashes, trophies, cash.

This year, I shall compete like Luca did.

SHELLEY: When Luca had done Little Miss Westie several years back, when he was still living as a girl, it was really important for his growth as a person.

LUCA: It was really fun for me.

Except when I lost, 'cause then I started crying on stage.

'Cause I'm a crybaby.

It's really embarrassing, 'cause I'm not a good dancer at all.

♪ But, like, the process was really fun.

(audience applauding) SHELLEY: I'm not a pageant person myself.

I mean, to me, you know, like, I kind of thought I was done when Luca was done, and so then, when Ren wanted to do it, it was a little bit, like, "Okay..." (Shelley chuckling) You can't walk out the door with the wings up.

Jojo is so confused, look at him.

LUCA: In Little Miss Westie next year, you can dress in, like, an outfit that represents your personality or whatever.

- This is how I become the LGBT Fairy.

LUCA: And this is gonna be her outfit.

You cannot have an outfit without a squid hat.

Can you?

(Shelley laughs) I said to Luca, "That is a squid, right?"

LUCA: Oh, my God!

- Luca's, like, "What is wrong with you?

Of course it's a squid."

REN: What else would it be?

- She thought it was genitalia.

SHELLEY: It's not, it's a squid, Ren.

You're all right.

♪ ♪ REN: Can I just point out that, even though I can't blame you since you didn't understand it at the time, I was pointing out that I wanted to be a girl when I was, like, four.

LUCA: Okay, Ren, yeah, you say that, like, every single day.

♪ SHELLEY: When Ren was probably about four, in preschool, she asked us if she might be a girl.

- I love you!

- I love you, too!

(giggles) (playing, mock-yelling) SHELLEY: And at the time, we didn't know anyone who was transgender, and we had no idea.

CHRIS: Here is the superhero Sting.

He can't get in the kitchen because of the giant wall.

What will he do?

- I would knock it down!

CHRIS: Okay, you can knock it down, I got it.

(mock-roars) SHELLEY: And we just said, "No, you're too much of a boy to be a girl."

CHRIS: He knocked it down!

REN: Let's do that again!

SHELLEY: She's very easygoing, didn't say another thing until many years later.

- And obey the Law of the Pack!

(humming) SHELLEY: We were on vacation, and she told Luca.

But they kept it between themselves.

So we didn't find out until Luca came out to us later.

LUCA: The first time I came out to them, I wrote them a letter.

And I left it before I went to school.

And then I came home from school, and, like, I don't know, we got in a big argument about it.

(television playing in background) CHRIS: But then Luca said, "Never mind, forget about it."

And we didn't hear much else about it until he started high school.

SHELLEY: He was failing in school and I had no idea why.

And then he said, "It's because I'm still Luca."

And at that point I said, "Fine, be Luca."

LUCA: I don't know, it felt like they were being unsupportive, but looking back on it, they were really just confused and upset.

(meowing) SHELLEY: Oh!

You get to see if... We're doing Ren's pictures.

Do you want to see the pictures?

They're giving examples of cards and stuff, but this is the picture.

- That's cute.

SHELLEY: But the grandparents are not gonna want any pictures, so we don't really have to get wallet pictures.

LUCA: Why aren't the grandparents gonna want pictures?

(giggles) - Because they hate us.

They hate us now.

Now, 'cause I don't think that...

I don't know if they're gonna...

I don't know, maybe Grammy will, or Grammy Helen.

I can guarantee you that my parents won't want one 'cause they don't even want to see Ren, so... REN: Why?

- Why would they want to see a picture?

REN: Why won't, why wouldn't they want to see me?

(Shelley and Luca talking softly) SHELLEY: It was a tough year.

One of the hardest things was thinking, since both kids were transgender, that people would be less accepting of either of them.

That people would think that Ren just was emulating Luca, and then they would blame Luca for influencing Ren.

And this did happen in some of the extended family.

They would talk to me, and we'd have these awkward conversations, where they would be saying, they know that I'm just trying to be a good parent, but there are better ways to parent than to let your child change gender and... "Is this a phase?"

and, "Couldn't they just be gay?

", and things like that.

(laughs) Well, no, that's not...

It's not really our choice.

SHELLEY: I worry about the kids.

And there's a strain on our family that goes beyond normal young adulthood.

Every family has those challenges, but then we have this extra layer.

Sometimes it's just a big struggle.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Well, it's gonna be a scorcher today here in coastal Connecticut, with temperatures reaching into the 90s, so stay hydrated, folks!

The race is also heating up for the 2016 presidential election.

Now, according to polls, Hillary Clinton is holding a narrow lead against Donald Trump, with Gary Johnson coming in a distant third.

Both candidates are gearing up for next month's debates, and the theory is the hot topic will be... REN: I wonder how long it'll take for Bella and Callia to... SHELLEY: Yeah, you know, I didn't hear back from their mom this morning, so... REN: I definitely hope they're coming.

SHELLEY: I know, I hope they come, too.

(pop music playing, ocean waves lapping) (seagulls squawking) What would you like, kiddo?

Are you hungry?

- A bit.

(both speaking softly) REN: I'm worried that they won't come, and if they don't come, then that's really disappointing.

(pop music playing) SHELLEY: So, Ren...

Your friends, it looks like, aren't going to make it.

- Well, I, now I don't want to stay.

SHELLEY: You know, sometimes, people get pretty busy in the summer.

- I want to just go as, as soon as I finish pizza.

- Well, give us a few minutes, and I'll talk to people and see if they're ready to go, 'cause maybe we'll all go back up.

(seagulls squawking, waves lapping) SHELLEY: Ren's had a really hard time this year.

She doesn't make friends very easily, and that gives her anxiety.

Right now, she doesn't have any friends in her class.

She does have a couple of friends on the bus.

She just struggles.

♪ (school bell rings) (kids talking in background) SHELLEY: Ren doesn't tell us much.

She's very independent and she likes to try and take care of things herself.

And this can be a difficulty sometimes.

REN: I was being bullied for a while.

I don't really know why they were going after me.

Though they singled me out.

And I was trying to deal with that for as long as I could before it was really necessary to have someone intervene.

SHELLEY: I asked her if it had to do with her being trans, and she said for three of them, it did, but she talked to them, and two of them stopped.

But one would curse at her and call her names.

REN: Someone was physically attacking me.

At one point, they actually tried to choke me for some reason.

I ended up reporting it.

We had a meeting then, at the school the next day.

She had talked to the kids first herself, and I said, "That's very courageous, "but in a situation like that, you need to tell an adult.

You don't have to handle this all by yourself."

REN: I just wish that they could just feel more sympathetic, and then that would cause less bullying and discrimination, if they knew what it was like.

♪ ♪ LUCA: Depression is like...

It's not really being sad so much as, like, blankness.

You're just not really anything.

During the period of time when I was really depressed, I just didn't draw at all.

Even though that's one of my favorite things to do, and I just, like, I didn't really have the motivation to do anything.

♪ SHELLEY: When he was 14, around Thanksgiving time, he had taken an overdose of aspirin.

From 14 to 15, he didn't laugh anymore.

I don't know how much that has to do with the body dysphoria, or just the anxiety and depression of being a teen.

♪ When he first came home from the hospital, it was a tense time.

We just knew he was on the edge.

He was cutting himself and, and I know that that is a common thing among gender-questioning kids.

Cutting will raise endorphins in the body and it gives a sense of control.

I think he still cuts himself, but rarely now.

He goes to therapy and he still sees a psychiatrist and he still takes medications, and so long as he's doing those things and learning coping skills...

If that's what he needs to do to cope so that he's not going to take an overdose...

Cutting looks really bad, but it's a completely survivable coping mechanism.

SHELLEY: Oh, you know, it is chilly.

Glad I have a coat.

- Meow.

- All right.

Make yourself comfortable.

All right.

(dog barking) LUCA: It's freezing in here.

(door shuts) (Shelley speaks quietly) - Huh?

(Shelley replies) LUCA: I don't really like people knowing my birth name, because I want people to know me just as Luca and nothing else.

And even if they're respectful enough to not call me my birth name if they know it, I don't want it to be something in the back of their head.

I never felt I lost a daughter and gained a son, although I suppose I lost a daughter and gained a son, and both, vice versa, but...

I think Shelley had more of a loss attached to that.

SHELLEY: Are you guys hungry for lunch?

Oh, we have coupons for Denny's.

CHRIS: Shelley had chosen both of our children's birth names.

They had Shelley's name, and then they had their own name that they chose.

SHELLEY: It was just difficult at first.

Especially with Luca.

There was a period of time where I would just start to cry if I even thought his birth name.

And didn't want to see pictures or any of that.

It was just all really disturbing to me.

It had nothing to do with not wanting him to be who he was.

It was just grieving.

REN: Can you get me the iPad?

SHELLEY: It was a really confusing time.

Okay, Luca, pass that to Ren, please.

REN (groans): Stop holding it just out of my reach!

LUCA: You can reach it.

(Ren giggles) SHELLEY: I don't know how to raise a son.

I mean, this is really more of Chris's purview.

(chuckles): But Chris doesn't really worry about things.

I do all the worrying, so, so that's how that works out.

♪ REN: Luca?

LUCA: What?

REN: When we get back home, can I try on your old dress from when you did Little Miss Westie?

LUCA: Uh, I don't know if we still have it.

But we probably do-- sure.

♪ (talking softly) CHRIS: We went to our first family fun weekend about a year ago.

SHELLEY: We felt very strange at first.

(people talking in background) SHELLEY: Having two kids who are transgender, we just thought, you know, is there something wrong with us?

One of the great things about having an opportunity like this is, you get to connect with people that you might not otherwise have the opportunity to connect with, and talk about things in a... a safe space where you can say anything you want.

You know, there may be a lot of moms and dads out there who have so many questions about how you came to those decisions.

SHELLEY: And then we met other parents and saw that about one in six families had more than one child who was on the gender spectrum.

So that was really great, because we didn't feel so odd.

- Got a head start with Tavish being assigned male at birth, but now with Draygon assigned female at birth, I'm expecting maybe some different issues.

So I'm Jody, um, mom of five, three, sorry, four cisgendered and one trans.

Been coming for a long time, as well.

Really enjoy it.

And I think I want all my kids to see other people with just bodies that are varied.

Shapes and presentations.

CHRIS: I'm Chris.

I'm here with my son, Luca, and my daughter, Ren.

Last year, coming here was a very pivotal moment.

I'm just excited to be here this year.

- I'm Shelley.

Last year, I was just in this group crying, and this year, I feel like I have a... You know, my feet on the ground, so it's...

I think it's important to always, you know, come back when your feet are on the ground than when they're not, so... WOMAN: We talk about up until junior high.

And whether you're cisgender or transgendered, junior high is just terrible years.

(chuckling) I don't know if there really is a fix for junior high.

(laughing) WOMAN: There is a 500-pound gorilla in the room that nobody is talking about.

The political climate has really changed.

With the lack of tolerance and hate that's going on in our country, it's a scary time.

(others murmuring in agreement) All of a sudden, everybody has an opinion on whether or not my kid should be on blockers or not.

Sometimes I just don't have it in me to be that front man.

Recently I went to church.

(chuckles) And, you know, I just kind of cried.

There was a female pastor.

She gave me this saying, which I've been holding on to.

I, woman, control this spot.

And not this around us, not friends, not politics, not school, not your kids, not the hormone... You don't-- none of it, nothing, we control nothing.

But I, woman, control this spot, this body, this flesh, this heart, and that's all we can do.

(people talking in background) REN: The rest are just sad.

(people talking in background) SHELLEY: Last year, we came here for Luca's sake.

And Luca actually had a terrible time.

(people talking in background) SHELLEY: He wasn't doing hormones or anything.

A lot of the other teen boys were much further in transition.

So he really felt out of place.

He just wanted to stay in the room by himself last year.

But then, on the other hand, Ren was making friends and doing all these things that she had not done before.

(people talking in background, Ren humming) SHELLEY: Ren's always been very, very anxious, and it just went away for the weekend.

REN: I tried to have some things that are dark and bleak, yet some which still bring joy.

(Shelley chuckles) SHELLEY: She was so happy here.

And she said she wanted to be a girl full-time rather than just at home, so as soon as we get back, we called the school and started that process.

♪ PAGEANT COORDINATOR: Pageant day, all contestants should arrive at 9:30.

9:30 is the time to start getting ready.

It gets hectic in the dressing room.

Like, hectic-hectic.

There's so many people in there.

Everyone's trying to get dressed, everyone's trying to get changed, and only so many outlets, so try to do as much of the prep at home as you can, and then you have to be on stage... LUCA: For the Little Miss Westie Pageant I hope she's going to win.

I don't know, she is really pretty, so... PAGEANT COORDINATOR: Yeah.

LUCA: I think she'll have a lot of fun with it.

PAGEANT COORDINATOR: Go down the checklist, ads are due March 1.

Go in your folder, there is a form for T-shirts.

REN: I am excited, yet also very nervous.

PAGEANT COORDINATOR: You do not have to order a T-shirt for your child... REN: I would like to win.

It would be nice.

PAGEANT COORDINATOR: Get a pageant day shirt and kind of... REN: Luca wants me want to work in that I'm transgender, but I just don't particularly care whether they think that I'm cis or transgender.

Long as they know that I'm a girl.

(Mack barking) SHELLEY: There were smaller ones, but I can't find... CHRIS: There's one.

You guys are gonna be late.

SHELLEY: Okay, well, just take that.

Leave that all packed up, you're fine.

(Ren barks at Mack, Mack snorts) SHELLEY: You're gonna stay here, Mackie-- okay.

I have everything I need-- Luca, you have your phone and... CHRIS: You have the paperwork and stuff... SHELLEY: Yeah, I have the paperwork.

I just shoved everything in here.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: ...Hillary Clinton, and last night, Donald Trump held a big rally in Cincinnati.

TRUMP: Almost every single poll had us winning against crooked Hillary Clinton, big-league.

SHELLEY: Turn it off.

(radio stops) REN: I'm going to have my puberty blockers put in.

I feel a bit nervous.

My friend Bridget, who had the implant in April, called this morning and helped reassure me about it.

I don't want to have a puberty because I just...

I really don't want to grow a beard or something.

To have my voice deepen.

Things like that.

(people talking in background) (Ren groaning) (moans): Stop that, stop that!

LUCA: Why are you so annoying?

(speaking softly) SHELLEY: Chris, don't do annoying things.

NURSE: How're we doing?

Mom?

SHELLEY: Yes.

REN: I'm looking at, I'm looking at... fancy flying sheep.

NURSE: You're looking at lime sheep?

CHRIS: Fancy flying sheep.

NURSE: Oh, flying sheep.

I thought you said lime sheep, and I was waiting for the color to be lime.

(giggles) I'm going to be the nurse in the back.

I just wanted to come and ask a couple of questions.

Now, is it pronounced "Angeles"?

SHELLEY: Um, "An-gel-is"-- she goes by Ren, though.

NURSE: Ren?

Okay.

All right, my friend, we're just going to set up and I will see you in the back shortly, okay?

REN: Uh-huh.

EMILY: Nice to meet you.

We haven't met, I'm Emily, nice to see you again.

This is a... - That's a sheep?

- Is a flying, formal sheep.

This is a flying llama.

- That looks like a llama.

Yeah, I was going to say, that looks much more like a llama than a sheep.

Do you have any questions for me?

About what we're going to do today?

- Um, I think I understand.

It will, at least temporarily, stop the male hormones.

EMILY: Okay, all right.

- I'm, I'm going to quickly, though, before... SHELLEY: Well, wait, finish talking to the surgeon before you play your game.

- I wasn't going to play a game.

I was going to look at pictures of cats.

EMILY: Do you guys have any questions at all?

SHELLEY: No.

- So, tiny little incision in the arm, the whole thing takes about five minutes.

It's water-resistant, but not waterproof.

It won't be uncomfortable at all, and, um... We'll meet again in two years to discuss whether we should take it out and switch it over, or just take it out or whatever.

- Okay.

EMILY: I'll see you in a few minutes, okay?

- Okay, fine, I'll look at this picture.

(devices beeping) (people talking in background) (indistinct talking) (devices beeping, people talking in background) SHELLEY: It's a relief.

And it takes a lot of anxiety off of her, as well.

CHRIS: Things are starting to unfold at the right time, for them and for us.

Before any kind of physical medical interventions took place, there was the mental medical interventions.

Discussion with their therapists and discussion with their psychologists.

(closes door) CHRIS: As we were kind of wrapping our heads around it, we didn't know if it was something permanent, or maybe it was a phase-- we weren't quite sure yet.

By the time we were making those decisions, we were convinced that the children's affirmed genders are their genders.

LUCA: They're pretty good.

(Shelley talks softly) (Ren giggles) CHRIS: That's who they are, and that's how they're going to be happier.

SHELLEY: She's so pretty, if she were...

If she was nicer, she could be a model.

CHRIS: The puberty blocker, it was something that, if it was taken out, it would just be a short delay.

Other concerns around that are around the bone development, and we try to supplement with calcium and with some exercise.

With Luca and the testosterone, it's a bit more of a concern, as just, there are irreversible side effects.

But the benefits far, far outweigh any drawbacks that could come as a result.

(phone camera clicks) SHELLEY: When we got started, we had this fear that it's all going to be about gender all the time.

And after a fairly short amount of time, it turns out not to be that.

They're just kids being kids.

♪ (keys jingling, Mack whines) (keys jingling) SHELLEY: The kids are getting ready for Miss Westie, trying Luca's dresses from when he was still living as a girl.

SHELLEY: Okay, you guys ready for Ren?

LUCA: Yup.

SHELLEY: Outfit number one!

LUCA: You look so cute.

(phone camera clicks) (Luca laughing) (Ren humming) I'm sending that to my streaks friend.

What the hell are you doing?

REN: I'm just stretching.

LUCA: I think she should go with one that has, like, sleeves, like, short sleeves or something.

SHELLEY: I don't have sleeves, but we have that little jacket that, that you had to go with this one.

- I don't see the one you're holding out, but... SHELLEY: It was intense doing Little Miss Westie with Luca.

We had to get just the right outfits.

REN: I have a white dress.

Yeah.

LUCA: Yeah, I know, but that's not a fancy dress.

No, this is not-- okay, whatever, never mind.

SHELLEY: "No, it's not sparkly enough!"

kind of thing.

We're good.

SHELLEY: So it's a different experience with Ren.

- Do you think I can do this with or without the jacket?

LUCA: With.

- Okay.

LUCA: I like that one better.

- Yeah, it is nicer.

(phone camera clicks) LUCA: If you do those poses for the pageant, they're going to kick you out.

SHELLEY: Ren's kind of, like, "Can I just wear my Pusheen pajamas?"

It's plausible that they won't kick her out, but it's possible that they will.

(Ren singing wordlessly) SHELLEY: Hey, you want to play some of your piano?

- Okay.

(playing light tune) (continues playing) SHELLEY: She's nervous about what she will do for this talent, and it's basically something that she's made up.

(continues tune) SHELLEY: For Ren, the takeaway is a little bit of confidence.

She can tend to be very, very shy.

Mainly, I'd like them to have fun.

(piano stops) ♪ ♪ (people talking in background) TV ANNOUNCER: Time magazine has named President-elect Donald Trump the 2016 Person of the Year.

SHELLEY: Oh, my gosh.

Time magazine named Donald Trump Person of the Year.

LUCA: Seriously?

SHELLEY: Does it necessarily mean...

It's not necessarily good, Person of the Year, LUCA: That's what I was about to say.

- It's just the... - The most iconic.

- The most iconic person of the year, excellent.

- I know, I said it better than he did.

- (chuckles) SHELLEY: We went to our support group for the parents of trans kids, and the guy who facilitates, he said that the night of the election, his phone basically turned into a suicide hotline.

Because Pence is pro-conversion therapy.

Which is basically electrocuting LGBT kids.

So, you know, a lot of really, really scared kids.

He told us then, "You've got to try and get the federal documents done."

Then we found out about this emergency gender marker changing clinic right in New Haven.

DEMIDONT: Nice to meet you-- A.C. Demidont.

SHELLEY: Nice to meet you, and this is Luca.

DEMIDONT: Luca, A.C., nice to meet you.

Ren, I like your ears.

Um, there'll be some medical students that will sit with you to help you fill out some paperwork first.

SHELLEY: Okay, hot off the presses, their name change was this morning.

as fast as possible, because you look like you're ready to go home, like, already.

SHELLEY: Everybody's scrambling to get this paperwork done before the inauguration, because everybody's afraid of what might happen.

MEDICAL STUDENT: And which young person are we taking care of today?

SHELLEY: Um, both of them.

MEDICAL STUDENT: Both of them?

Okay.

SHELLEY: They are both transgender.

MEDICAL STUDENT: Okay, um, so let me get you two copies, then.

SHELLEY: Chris, you'll fill it out for... You can do Ren and I'll do Luca.

Okay, I hate filling out forms.

I always make mistakes.

That one can go, too.

- Yup.

CHRIS: This one over here, should I be using her new name?

Of course, all of the records would be in the old name... Um, the new name.

No, you spelled it wrong.

SHELLEY: Stop that.

MEDICAL STUDENT 2: What does the name say on all your other... SHELLEY: Well, so I only filled out new name and former name.

MEDICAL STUDENT 2: That's okay.

SHELLEY: And I have name change form, uh, letters.

MEDICAL STUDENT 2: Oh, you do!

SHELLEY: Yes.

Oh, okay, then put the name... - Oh, yeah, that's right.

We only changed it today, so... (chuckles) - Everything's still new, yeah.

- Yeah.

Okay, and are we doing a picture here or...?

DEMIDONT: Yup, they can do the picture.

SHELLEY: She hates leaving her eyes open for pictures.

(laughs) (phone camera clicks) SHELLEY: Good job!

- All right, next!

SHELLEY: What do passports cost, like, $100?

LUCA: Wait, we have to pay for them?

SHELLEY: You always have to pay for passports.

Hey, that was a nice picture of you.

You're so photogenic.

LUCA: I won a photogenic award when I was in Little Miss Westie.

SHELLEY: We're all done, thank you so much.

It's scary, but you just tell your kids that you are going to take care of them.

You're going to protect them.

There's nothing for them to worry about.

Bye!

DEMIDONT: Bye.

SHELLEY: And meanwhile, in the background, you try and get all these things done that you can.

♪ LUCA: Her favorite color is purple.

Or we can get her a white one.

Whichever one is prettiest.

What's the difference between lavender and lilac?

SHELLEY: I see lilac as, as a dustier color.

Hello, my son needs just a small simple flower for the girl he's taking to a dance.

SHOPKEEPER: Did you have anything special in mind?

A rose?

A carnation?

SHELLEY: Um, probably a carnation, he was hoping for... LUCA (softly): Something cheap.

SHELLEY: Lavender-colored, but... Or white, we'll take white.

SHOPKEEPER: White, we can do white with a lavender bow.

LUCA: It doesn't have to have a pin on it, though.

I can just give her, like, a flower.

SHELLEY: Okay.

SHOPKEEPER: You want to leave it this long?

LUCA: Yeah.

SHOPKEEPER: Okay, you want some baby's breath and greens with it?

SHELLEY: Yeah.

LUCA: What's that?

- Like, it'll make it pretty.

- Oh, yeah.

SHOPKEEPER: Okay.

SHELLEY: That's cute.

LUCA: Ren already has enough cats.

This is cute-- okay, but, literally, like, how much is this?

'Cause she would actually really love this dog.

I'm not kidding.

She loves little cute things like this.

- (sighs): Okay.

SHELLEY: Uh, and also this... (cash register beeps) So put that in the refrigerator so it stays fresh.

- All of it in the refrigerator?

- Well, you don't have to put the stuffed animal in the refrigerator.

You did well.

♪ SHELLEY: Oh, Luca, what's the deal with the dance?

Do you bring the ten dollars to school or to the dance?

- To school.

- Okay.

Are you still cold?

- I am still cold, so... - So you can put the heat on.

Just don't put it, like, blasting.

SHELLEY: Are you excited to be going to Yale today?

- (slowly): Yeah, but, like, I mean, I'd be more excited if I knew for sure what was going to happen.

- You know, if they don't give you hormones today, that they will probably say, "Well, we'll look at you again in a couple of months."

They're not going to just say, "No, we're never giving you hormones."

- Yeah, obviously, I mean, I know that.

But I want them today.

- You want a shot, right?

Not, um, a cream or... - Yeah.

Because, like, I don't know, like, uh, like, the different options-- I think there's, like, a patch and a gel and a shot, I don't know.

The thing with the gel was, once you put it on, you can't touch anybody, because you might get, like, testosterone in their system.

The shot works faster than the gel and the other thing, anyway.

Plus, I don't want to not be able to touch anyone.

- Yeah I'm trying to remember the schedule of things.

So you don't start getting body hair for, like, six months?

Muscles sooner, right?

- Yeah.

- And then body hair and then deeper voice?

Was that, like, the same time as body hair?

- Yeah.

- Is the first thing that happens is, your period stops?

Is that the first thing?

- I think so.

- Although, I guess, because the first two shots are not overlapping and it's going up and down, you might still get a period when the testosterone is at a low.

- Not much is gonna happen after the first two shots, anyway.

Basically, what I want to happen once I'm on T is to look like Francis Wilkerson.

- From, um... - Malcolm... - Malcolm in the Middle.

He's obviously, he's masculine-looking, but he's a little more feminine-looking.

Like, I think that you probably will look a lot like him.

- And I also want to have, like, facial hair and, like, a deeper voice, obviously.

- I mean, I would think, though, I'm just guessing that you would have similar characteristics to Daddy.

- (softly): But he's so ugly.

- (laughing): He's not ugly.

Well, that's who you're most likely to look like.

♪ (cell phone clicking) (message sends) (message arrives) LUCA: Her mom, like, doesn't want us going to the dance together, I guess?

And I don't understand why.

So, like, okay... SHELLEY: Once you're there, aren't you kind of... LUCA: Well, I mean, I, like, I can't give her the flower and the dog anymore, 'cause then she'll come home with it, and her mom will be mad at me.

- Well, ask her if she still wants you to give her the flower and the dog.

(cell phone clicking) Are you texting her right now?

- Yeah, obviously.

(message sends) - So did she text you back?

- Yeah, she said she still wants the dog and the flower.

- Oh, well, that's good.

Does she know why her mom is saying this?

- I don't understand what she has against me.

- Well, if it was a...

If she was from a religious family, Iris might have something against you being trans.

- She doesn't, she's not from a religious family, and she's always super-accepting of me being trans.

And I thought Iris liked me, but, like, whatever.

- Yeah.

Yeah, it doesn't seem fair.

I mean, it's not fair.

- Her mom says it's 'cause she's "leading me on."

And I was, like, "I don't even like you, like, at all, like that."

And she's, like, "Yeah, I told my mom that."

- It's, um...

I mean, I'm sorry to say, but it's going to be something that you're going to face.

- (loudly): It's not because I'm trans, okay?

I don't know... Oh, my (bleep) God, it's... That's not why!

That has absolutely nothing to do with it, so, like... (mumbles) - Okay.

♪ (car starts) ♪ LUCA: Because it's... SHELLEY: It's supposed to be playing right now.

It's showing minutes going by.

- (grumbles) - All right, it's not making any sound, Chris.

SHELLEY: By the time he'd been on testosterone for a month, he just went from, like, energy that was like this, you know, and, and just tense.

And then after about a month of testosterone, he just went from, like, up here, to, like, (exhales).

Like an exhale, just down here.

LUCA: I can't, I can just text people.

SHELLEY: So now we enjoy being around him.

He's still a teenager, so, you know, he still can be crabby and all of that stuff.

So if we're gonna get two pizzas... SHELLEY: But before, when he would be in a bad mood, we would be worried, you know, is this gonna be another visit to the psych ward?

(audio playing on phone) SHELLEY: We don't worry about that anymore.

GROUP FACILITATOR: Um, so we're gonna get started.

So we'll do, you know, name, pronouns-- preferred pronouns.

I'm Maeve, I use she/her pronouns.

Um... highlight.

(giggles): A boy told me that I was statuesque and a raven beauty, and I've never heard that before.

(laughs): Good, that's great.

MAEVE: That's still nice to hear.

People don't like to be told they're transphobic even if they're being transphobic.

Um, I like to turn around and be, like, "It's funny that you say, 'Yas, Queen,' to me "because I'm not a drag queen, you know.

A drag queen deserves that-- I'm just being me."

LUCA: Luca, he/him.

My highlight is that yesterday, I, like, I went to Shake Shack and then to Sky Zone with friends.

TEEN: I've been on testosterone for eight months, and, um, my lowlight is that I got my period, or as I like to call, my "estrogen emergency," twice in the past month.

TONY FERRAIOLO: Who else?

(person speaks softly) - Oh, go ahead.

School has been, like, a really big challenge for me, because, um, I feel really isolated from my peers.

I see these kids when they come in, and I see how sad they can be, or how... depressed they are, and how broken and beaten down they are, and it's not because they're trans.

It's because people around them are telling them they're not.

And Luca was struggling.

But today, Luca is this amazing human who is putting themselves out there to help people behind them.

That is huge.

LUCA: About, like, being isolated at school and stuff, and not being treated like a cis guy, I know when I first came out, like, I kind of had the same problem that you did.

I think by next school year, people will start seeing you and treating you differently.

Like, as the effects of T keep coming, I think it'll keep changing, you know?

I'm sure everyone here knows.

I know what it's like to be isolated.

My whole high school experience was that.

And I think a lot of trans people think that, once they come out, all of a sudden, all these inner struggles end.

They simmer down, but then that's when the real fight starts, out in the real world.

That's when you have to start battling to be recognized as who you are.

♪ (birds cawing, rain falling) (cat chirps) REN: What do you have to do to win a crown?

Do you have to be first?

Do you get one if you're second?

- They have ribbons for everything.

And then they have, like, what, like, first, second, third?

LUCA: They have a bunch of crowns, they have Best Talent, and Best Costume, and then they have the Best Overall, which is a crown that's, like, this big.

REN: I want a crown to put on my Pusheen.

LUCA: If you talk about Pusheens, you're not going to win a crown.

SHELLEY: Go get your, the Doctor Who dress that we got.

CHRIS: That's the Tardis from Doctor Who.

SHELLEY: It's the, for the personality section.

LUCA: For the personality thing, we should've dressed her up in, like, trans colors or something.

SHELLEY: Well, that's what... She was going to do that, um, the blow-up... - Yeah, but that's not the same, we're not... We're trying to show them that she's trans.

SHELLEY: I know, you're committed to this.

Ren, it's okay, you can just have fun with it.

But Luca is very serious about Miss Westie.

I'm going to call up something on Google, Ren, and then you can, um... REN: Say Pusheen?

SHELLEY: So Luca, what should I search for?

All right, what have we got?

(Luca scolding) SHELLEY: Oh, okay, I've been booted out.

Try "middle school girl shoulder-length hair."

Or you can try the age.

LUCA (sighs): These are hairstyles, not haircuts.

- Oh, that looks... - These are hairstyles, not haircuts.

SHELLEY: Okay, so do the same thing, but change it to "cuts."

- All right, you guys can look up your own... SHELLEY (chuckles): Try again.

- (humming) REN: That one, that's a... That is obviously Photoshopped.

LUCA: How about this?

SHELLEY: But your hair's not... Oh... LUCA: Hm?

SHELLEY: Do you like that?

REN: Yeah.

LUCA: Do you like that one, Ren?

SHELLEY: Isn't that kind of sloppy?

See, I like this, because it's, like, thinner?

Do you like that?

LUCA: That's, like, a 50-year-old lady.

(all laugh) REN: Wait, wait, wait, wait... SHELLEY: Oh... okay.

But... REN: Yeah, it's not... LUCA: Ren, I hope you understand... REN: I know.

LUCA: And I feel like you haven't understood this for a long time, but that's a cartoon character.

REN (giggles): I do understand.

I'm just saying that that is a good length.

SHELLEY: Yeah, that's a good length, good.

LUCA: What about, like, short with kind of wispy bangs, like that?

The bangs look good.

SHELLEY: Yeah, I like that, too, yeah?

We've made a decision.

SHELLEY: Luca, what did you do for Ren's face?

Let me see your makeup.

LUCA: So I'm not going to do her eyes and lips as dark as that.

'Cause that was just for fun, but... REN: Can't I have a cat face?

LUCA: The thing is, I'm not allowed in the dressing rooms.

CHRIS: No, boys aren't allowed in the dressing room, Ren.

LUCA: Yeah, so I can't be redoing your makeup.

SHELLEY: You look like a model.

I didn't know it was you.

REN: Okay, actually, we do need someone to help fix its spine.

LUCA: It's so creepy, look at its head!

It looks like you broke its neck.

CHRIS: Well, when Luca competed in the pageant, he was very disappointed when he didn't come back with the main trophy.

SHELLEY: He's been so committed to Ren winning.

He watched Dance Moms and he watched Toddlers and Tiaras.

And this is where he's learned how to be a stage brother.

CHRIS: Hey, Luca, can you help Ren work on some of her poses?

- All her poses are this.

Like, I tried telling her, like, to not do that, 'cause it's weird, but, you know, she doesn't care or listen, so...

I mean, if she wants to lose, like, it's, whatever.

All right, can, does twirling count as a pose?

It does, right?

All right, so, no, not like that, not so you fall over.

Oh, my God, all right, when you... SHELLEY: Watch Luca.

LUCA: Okay?

When you twirl, look at one thing, so you can look at someone in the audience.

I'm gonna look at Mommy, right?

Okay, and then keep looking at her, and then turn around.

Okay, look at her almost the whole time.

And it helps you not fall.

You don't have to put your hands like that!

(Ren giggles) LUCA: No, not like this-- I don't know why you're doing that.

You know what's weird?

The fact that I keep talking, but she keeps not listening to me.

On your hip, not your waist.

(mutters): Oh, my God...

Does she not understand that she has to look pretty, not crazy?

No, just look at... Oh, my God!

Hip, hip, where's your hip?

That's your butt, where is your hip?

Ren, pay attention.

As I turn, my head is on her, and I only stop looking at her when I turn... (Shelley giggles) Pay attention to me!

REN: I...

I was!

I am trying to figure out what you're doing!

LUCA: That's why I keep showing you and telling you, but you're not paying attention.

REN: Yeah!

SHELLEY: Don't stress her out, she doesn't have to twirl.

LUCA: I'm not...

Okay, I was just saying... Oh, my God.

(quietly): What?

Ren... Ren!

I wasn't trying to be mean, I just meant, like, it seemed like you weren't listening to me, okay?

Just come back out.

REN: Just that you're being very commanding and making me do it an exact way.

LUCA: What poses do you want to do then, because... REN: It's just a pageant.

LUCA: Okay, obviously she doesn't want to win.

So I'm not going to help her anymore.

If she doesn't wanna win, then what's the point?

(Ren murmuring) (crickets chirping) SHELLEY: All right, Ren.

Get pajamas and you'll bring them up.

I will start the bath, okay?

REN: Fine!

(muttering) SHELLEY: She didn't like to take baths.

For years and years, we didn't know why this was.

She was just very bad with the self-care.

Then, at the parents' support group, someone was talking about their kid not wanting to see their penis.

So now she always has a bubble bath.

Okay, Ren, did you get your pajamas?

SHELLEY: It used to be cheap bubble bath, and now she has moved up to lavender-scented bubble bath.

(chuckles) It's quite the production, but it's, it's so much better for her, and now she doesn't mind taking baths.

There's always that, that worry in the back of my head that I try not to think about too much, which is their physical safety.

The hardest, hardest thing, we were in our support group, and one of the dads, whose daughter is in her 20s now, she was never going to get bottom surgery, where they would change the penis to a vagina.

But then she started talking about that with her father, and he said, "But you never wanted to do that before.

Why now?"

And, um, and she said, "Well, Dad, I was thinking, if I'm ever attacked, a rape could easily turn into a murder."

(voice breaking): And it just, like, stopped my heart.

And so I always think of that, you know, with Ren.

That these things that are dangerous for young women, you know, it just ups it so much.

So there's that physical danger, as well as, you know, wondering about their mental health and fitting in and stuff.

(cat purring) SHELLEY: I'm a little bit nervous that in the Little Miss Westie dressing room, is someone going to make an issue of Ren being transgender?

Will they even know?

I don't know.

LUCA: When she has, she has two beds, not one bed, two beds, and for some reason, she sleeps in... SHELLEY: I'm just kind of preparing in my head.

If someone says something about, "This is the girls' room," I can just say, "Ren's a girl."

In fact, I'm going to pack her passport with me, which says that she's a girl.

LUCA: I meant in California.

CHRIS: You don't remember.

(chuckling) SHELLEY: You were just born.

REN: Wait, I am?

SHELLEY: Yes.

REN: Oh, I should stop that.

SHELLEY: All right, Ren, where'd you put your lemonade?

Or did it go back in the fridge?

CHRIS: I put it in her room, SHELLEY: Oh, Daddy already put your lemonade in your room.

So why don't you go in and get your show, and, um... REN: Okay, let me just... SHELLEY: You want to switch the light to the little light?

Or you can put the Pusheen lights on.

REN: Daddy, can you bring in the llama?

♪ CHRIS: Good night, bunny.

SHELLEY: We're going to bed, are we not?

Yes.

♪ SHELLEY: Hey, Luca, you haven't seen Ren's Doctor Who dress, have you?

We lost the Doctor Who dress.

LUCA: Is it with the other dresses?

REN: I'll look in my drawer.

SHELLEY: Uh, it might be upstairs in my room.

Let me call up to Dad.

Chris, it's me.

I'm coming in.

(shower running) We can't find the dress.

(shower stops, curtain pulls) CHRIS: Is it in the closet?

SHELLEY: We've looked everywhere, we can't find it.

LUCA: I think I have a skeleton dress she can wear.

SHELLEY: And you definitely have not seen the Tardis dress?

LUCA: I, no, I haven't.

SHELLEY: Okay.

It's very strange that we lost a dress.

LUCA: Good, see how pretty that is?

(Mack barks) LUCA: Come closer.

♪ This is the shimmery stuff that'll go on your eyes, okay?

- Okay.

- Shut your eyes.

Oh, I put too much on, okay.

There's cat hair on the makeup brush.

CHRIS: Hurry up, you guys are going to be late.

SHELLEY: We have to leave in 15 minutes.

LUCA: All right, well.

SHELLEY: I know, beauty takes time.

LUCA: Smile.

Okay.

SHELLEY: The hair straightener is on top of the fish tank.

We really have to rush.

LUCA: Okay, then we will really rush.

SHELLEY: I'm not used to seeing you in makeup.

You look very pretty.

Be loud and clear when you answer your question, okay?

REN: I'll try.

SHELLEY: Oh, boy, we're gonna be late.

REN: Okay, we have everything ready.

SHELLEY: Yeah, we packed the car.

Oh, a brush!

I gotta bring a brush.

We're going in Daddy's car.

Ren, when we get there, you rush right to the stage, 'cause they're doing the rehearsal.

Well, I'm sure they say 9:30 just to get people there early enough.

We should've gotten up earlier today, I just didn't realize it would take us so long.

LUCA: It's literally 9:31, it's okay.

(people talking in background) SHELLEY: I'm going to have to get a spot, too, because those women can be vicious.

("Party in the U.S.A." by Miley Cyrus playing) (song continues) SHELLEY: It's unbelievable back there in the dressing room!

I mean, we got here at 9:30, but the dressing room is, like, I had to go all the way in the back to get two chairs.

LUCA: Oh.

SHELLEY: And we are just squished, all, like, all our stuff is on these two little chairs.

Because people are spread out with, like, makeup, and...

Dresses hanging.

And 3,000 dresses-- it's crazy.

LUCA: Oh, they're so cute!

None of them can spin.

They're so adorable.

SHELLEY: Same dance, see?

LUCA: Yeah.

SHELLEY: You could have taught it to Ren.

I'm sure you still know it.

(laughing) All right, let me go sign Ren in.

(people talking in background) ♪ SHELLEY: So you are number 40.

So most of the things that you do, you'll go out, you'll be the 40th in line.

We'll look up who's number 39.

I'll go over the program with you.

REN: Why is this room used for, for Little Miss Westie?

- Oh, it's the changing and, and makeup room.

This is the backstage room.

- Where would someone change?

- Well, that's why I told you, you just change here-- we just quickly switch clothes.

It's so fast.

And everyone's changing, and no one's looking at you.

And you have your... That's why I knew you'd want to wear the little bra.

♪ (people talking in background) (audience cheering and applauding) ("Party in the U.S.A." by Miley Cyrus playing) Welcome, everyone.

I'm so glad everyone can join us today to watch the amazing girls and boys strut their stuff today.

♪ (audience applauding) ♪ EMCEE: And now it's time for the talent section.

Enjoy the show.

♪ My heart's far, far away (on speakers): ♪ But they can't see the light, that's right ♪ (hip-hop beat playing) ♪ My name is Sydney and I'm five years old ♪ ♪ And I'm really excited to be in the show ♪ (on speakers): ♪ She works the nights by the water ♪ ♪ She's gone astray, so far away ♪ ♪ From her father's daughter ♪ Empty belly life ♪ Rotten smelly life ♪ ♪ Full of sorrow life ♪ No tomorrow life (holding note) (audience cheering and applauding) EMCEE: Next up, we have Ren McCarthy.

(audience cheering and applauding) (playing quietly) (audience murmuring, shuffling) (audience noise continues, Ren playing quietly) (people shushing) LUCA: Why aren't they listening?

Why won't they be quiet?

(people shushing) WOMAN: Hi, everyone, I just want to ask everyone to please be quiet when kids are doing their talents, because it's really hard for the judges to hear, and if you want people to be quiet for your kid, you should be quiet for other people's-- thank you.

(audience cheering and applauding) (resumes playing) (people talking in background) (Ren's piece continues) (phone camera clicks) REN: I'm feeling nervous.

SHELLEY: Just know this, there's nothing you could do wrong.

EMCEE: Tell us, what famous person would you like to be for a day?

I would like to be the Boston Bruins goalie, because I would love to be in an NHL game and meet all the players.

(audience cheers and applauds, emcee speaking softly) EMCEE: What's the hardest thing you've ever had to do and how did you accomplish it?

- The hardest thing I've ever had to do is not being able to speak to my grandmother in Spain, because I don't speak Spanish.

But now I'm learning how to speak Spanish so I can speak to her.

EMCEE: Thank you.

(audience cheers and applauds) Please welcome Ren McCarthy.

(audience cheers and applauds) SHELLEY: I have no idea what Ren is going to do.

(audience cheers and applauds) EMCEE: If you could time-travel, when would you go, and why?

- I would go back to when I was three or four.

(people talking in background) And tell my parents that I was a girl, rather than a boy.

And make sure that they knew that back then.

(audience cheers and applauds) LUCA: She did it!

(audience cheers and applauds) EMCEE: Wow, I'm at a loss of words for that!

(audience cheers and applauds) ♪ ANNOUNCER: Model for Baby or Mini, Giovanna Harty.

Pageant Princess, Emiliana Gonzalez.

Pageant Queen, Kiki Adamo.

Prettiest Hair for Pre-Teen or Teen, Rebecca Aranzo.

Prettiest eyes, Petites, Isabelle Roche.

Costume, Pre-Teen or Teen, Kiki Johnson Woods.

Model for Little, Olivia Moretti.

Personality, Baby or Mini, Leonna Fillogy.

(audience cheers) Our Pre-Teen category, this year's Pageant Sweetheart, Ren McCarthy!

(audience cheers and applauds) SHELLEY: Woo-hoo!

(gasps): A crown, oh, now she's happy.

Yay!

(laughs) LUCA: Ren, Ren, Ren!

High-five.

(giggles) TEENS: ♪ Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you ♪ ♪ Happy birthday, dear Luca ♪ Happy birthday to you (laughing) - Woo!

(applauding) (talking in background) (phone camera clicks) GIRL: Does it...

Does it look like he cut his hair?

LUCA: Why is he wearing the hat?

No, go back, go, leave!

Leave, leave!

LUCA: If I could go back in time, it would probably be to when I came out the first time, and just stuck with it.

Because I know, like, in the moment, it was really stressful, it was really upsetting.

But if I stuck with it back then, I could have gone into high school as Luca.

LUCA (laughing): That was worse!

That was worse than the first!

LUCA: I don't know if I would really change that, actually.

Because I like my group of friends.

And I like everything that I'm doing.

And I'm really excited for the next school year.

So it doesn't really matter anymore.

LUCA: You messed up!

- No, you, I... LUCA: A lot has happened, and, like, getting my name changed and going on testosterone and stuff like that.

I'm really glad that that whole process is done.

I think that all, like, the big major challenges are done with, and now it's pretty much just normal.

- And, like, every single person makes fun of me for it and I don't know why.

- Every single!

♪ CHRIS: I have some concerns for their safety.

The biggest scare for me is that they will feel unhappy with themselves, because that's the, the threat that's hardest to protect them from.

As long as they're happy with who they are and they're feeling comfortable and supported, that's the most important thing to me.

(kids talking in background) SHELLEY: Oh, thank you.

♪ SHELLEY: It was tumultuous at first.

Before she transitioned, Ren couldn't read at grade level.

She couldn't write a sentence.

She would get really worked up about it.

She had this underlying anxiety that put her base levels so high, that anything that added a teeny bit of anxiety put her over the edge.

♪ After she transitioned, they approached me and said they didn't think that she needed the special education services anymore.

They said she's one of the smartest kids in the school.

And she's well above grade level in reading and writing.

She can write pages now.

(kids talking in background) REN: Okay, this is cheese pizza.

I don't know about the other two.

Not as cheesy as my jokes.

(friend giggles) Like that one.

SHELLEY: At this point, it seems odd that we ever struggled.

Now I never think of them as being a different gender than they are right now.

Luca is my son.

Ren is my daughter.

And... You know, now we're just the McCarthys again.

("Restless Year" by Ezra Furman playing) ♪ Ooh, la, ooh ♪ Sa-lay-ga, ooh la, ooh la, ooh loo ♪ ♪ Ooh, la, ooh ♪ Sha-lay-ga, ooh la, ooh la, ooh loo ♪ ♪ ♪