[man] Can you find my son?

It would mean the world.

[woman] It's been like an obsession for 20 years.

It's been an obsession.

[Davina] In the last year, over 4,000 people from across the UK have contacted the Long Lost Family team... Do you know what her full name would be?

...asking us to find their missing family.

[woman] I tried to write so many times to my brother.

There's this one, this one, this one.

[woman] They took my sisters.

I just want to know what happened to them.

I need to meet my birth father.

He is part of who I am.

[Nicky] Using trained intermediaries, DNA experts, and investigators all over the world, we find people that nobody else could trace.

-We've found your mum.

-Ahhhhh!

[laughs] [Nicky] We uncover incredible family secrets... -Don't tell me she was there?

-She was.

[woman] Meeting a famous person who happens to be your sister-- I can't even begin to describe what that actually feels like.

[Davina] ...and answer questions th at have haunted entire lives.

I knew there was gonna be twists and turns.

I said it.

This week, two people searching for their birth mothers-- a man who's struggled ever since he found out he was adopted...

I've always questioned what was wrong with me.

Why did it happen?

...and a woman whose whole world is on hold.

I want to get married to this most amazing man, and I can't until I find her.

[dramatic music ends] While some people who have been adopted come to terms with it, many, like our first searcher, have been living under the shadow of their adoption their entire lives.

[man] I don't think, unless you've been adopted, unless you've been through the years and years and every day of questioning who you are, where you've come from, feelings of regret, you nev-- you would never ever understand that.

You'd never understand what that feels like.

[contemplative music playing] 34-year-old recruitment consultant Martin Smith lives in Rochdale, close to where he grew up with his adoptive mum, Margaret, and dad, David.

-[Martin] Dad.

-[David] Hi, Mart.

-[Martin] You ready?

-Yeah, I'm ready for you.

Do you want to tee off first?

[Martin] I was adopted at a young age.

The way my mum always put it was that, "You were chosen, and we really wanted you."

And they did.

-[David] Good shot.

-Do.

[laughs] [Martin] I never went without.

You know, they even paid for me to go to private school in Manchester, because they thought that they just wanted to give me the best possible chance in life.

Martin started at this school at the age of 11.

It's not changed, actually.

It's not changed one bit.

It was here that the fact that he was adopted first hit home.

One day, the class was looking at baby photos of each other, and there wasn't any of me.

Like, the first photo I have, really, is at kind of almost three years old.

And it's the other kids going: "Well, have you not got anything?

Where's your baby photo?"

And that's the strongest memory that I have of the realization that adoption is different to other people.

And I started to really struggle with that then.

There I am.

I was a lost child, really, at this point in my life, lost kid.

For a number of years, I'd struggled with the fact that I was adopted.

You know, what was wrong with me?

Why did it happen?

And I just pushed everything away.

Ev... everything.

There was... there was no hold barred.

At the age of 17, without an y explanation to his parents, Martin packed his bags and left home.

I didn't speak to my parents for nearly two years.

I suppose, to a certain extent, I was taking control of something that I couldn't control, although I went about it completely the wrong way.

[Margaret] It broke my heart.

I would ring you, and you would avoid my calls.

[Martin] Mm.

And I would leave you messages all the time, saying, "Just let me know you're all right."

This is the first time that Martin has spoken to his parents about his struggle.

I regret everything that I did.

It's just what I felt.

When you left, I did think, had we smothered you?

[Margaret] We were over-protective.

In my head, it was that I was rejected as a child.

-Yeah... -I couldn't get past that.

[Margaret] I'd always told you I'd support you, and I told you I'd got all the information about who your birth mother was, but you never came, and you never asked.

It's a chicken and egg thing, though, isn't it?

You don't know what you're gonna find.

To a certain extent, I didn't want to know.

[Martin] You-- you push it away.

You push away the premise of finding out, because you don't want... you don't want your heart broken.

Were you hurting?

Well, in my own head, yeah, I was.

But if you'd have told me, I could probably have helped.

In what way?

You can't change... you can't change the fact of adoption.

You can't change that.

And I would never have changed the family that adopted me in any way, shape, or form.

I wouldn't have changed you guys at all.

As adopted, you feel rejected.

[Margaret] Yeah.

Okay.

[Martin] You know, what was wrong with me?

Mm.

I'm glad you're doing what you're doing now.

-[Martin] Yeah.

-I'm glad you're doing it.

It's only now, with the encouragement of his parents and his wife, Laura... -Hiya.

-Hi.

...that Martin has dared to try and find out any more about his birth mother.

[Laura] He's so lovely.

But at the same time, there's always the underlying issue that he's felt rejected for 34 years.

He just wants to know where he comes from, why did she give him up?

Glad we're doing this, 'cause it seems to be the common thing is that people just bury their feelings, so it's nice to hear you talk about it.

And that's what you do, though, isn't it?

You do bury your feelings.

You do always question, "Who am I?"

And the only way you're gonna answer those questions is by meeting my mum.

[Nicky] To have any hope of finding someone... What was your mum's maiden name?

...our team needs a certain amount of information to get started.

And do you have any date of birth?

When we took on Martin's search for his mother, we thought it would be reasonably simple, as we had both a name and date of birth from his adoption paperwork.

Yet, despite an intensive search, we couldn't find any record of her after his adoption.

So, what had happened to her?

Having exhausted all avenues, we decided to go back a generation and search for Martin's grandmother.

We found a record for her at an address in the southwest of England, but she was no longer there.

However, someone there did tell us that Martin's grandmother had moved to a city on the south coast to be closer to her daughter.

We decided to search the city for anyone with the same date of birth as Martin's mum.

And by cross-checking electoral rolls, we discovered someone, who, despite having a different name, had the correct date of birth.

We got in touch, and she confirmed she was Martin's birth mum.

Martin spent years refusing to ask questions about his adoption, because he was scared of what he might discover.

But now, he's faced his fears and dared to look for his birth mother.

Will she be able to give him the answers that he needs?

I've arranged to meet Martin's birth mum at a café close to where she lives.

-How are you?

-Nice to meet you.

-[Nicky] So nice to meet you.

-Hello.

Nicky.

She's happy to talk to me but wants to remain anonymous.

[Nicky] It was difficult to find you.

Different region, different name.

-[woman] Yep.

-Why is it a different name?

Because when I gave up Martin, I shut myself off from everybody, moved away.

-[Nicky] How old were you?

-Fifteen going on 16.

I hid the pregnancy for a little while.

I knew I was pregnant.

I was frightened to tell anybody, because I thought, "The first thing they're going to do is take the baby away from me."

[emotional] And I couldn't let that happen.

So, I walked out the door and left with Martin.

And I was living on the streets, begging people to let me stay.

And all this time trying to make sure that Martin was safe, warm, fed.

[Nicky] How long were you with Martin?

How long was he with you?

[woman] Six months, seven months.

I had him before-- before I had to give him up for adoption.

It was going into the winter, getting colder.

I was literally begging people for money.

I had nowhere to sterilize bottles, so I had nothing.

You know, I could barely get nappies some days.

It was terrifying.

And that's awful to do that to your child, to feel that inadequate.

It was about surviving every day, and that just got tougher and tougher, until I made the call, and that was all I could do.

[crying] If I could have done anything else to keep him, I would have done.

But there wasn't an option.

I met with the social worker, and she said, "Look, we've got foster carers that could take Martin."

I insisted that I went to see who they were.

Did that make you feel better?

Yeah, because I knew he was safe and he was looked after, and he was fed, and he was warm.

But I can't tell you what it's like having to walk away, watching your child go in a different direction.

[cries] It literally rips your heart out.

[Nicky] How tough has it been over the years?

[woman] I've had to try and deal with guilt, blame, that I wasn't good enough, and I couldn't look after him.

It has a massive effect on your life.

He's my son, and I think about him all the time.

-And now, this day has come.

-Yeah.

[Nicky] And I've got a photograph.

[woman gasps, cries] He's so beautiful.

[crying] I want to hug him.

Because the last time I hugged him, he was so tiny.

[Davina] Before we tell Martin we've found his birth mother, we take on another search.

It's on behalf of a woman desperate to find her birth mother, so she can begin the rest of her life.

[woman] I do like that one, actually.

-[man] I agree with that one.

-Yeah?

Fifty-three-year-old Anne Jordan is shopping for an engagement ring with her fiancé, Chris.

[Anne] He's a really special man, and I've waited a long time to meet somebody like that.

He has changed my life and made me a better person.

[saleswoman] Best thing to do is to get them on your finger and actually see what they look like.

[Anne] We've been engaged two years now, but I just feel I can't get married yet.

Everyone has their mums at their wedding, don't they, and I wouldn't.

I want to get married to this most amazing man, and I can't until I find her.

So... Oh, sorry.

[sniffs] Anne grew up in Surrey, the adopted daughter of Barbara and Ronald Jordan.

[Anne] My adoptive parents were just really special.

They told me I was adopted when I was about 7 or 8.

Didn't really give it a second thought, to be honest with you.

I'd always felt loved and wanted, and I just feel a little bit cheated that they went so-- so early.

When Anne was 22, bo th her adoptive parents died.

Lost my mum first.

She basically had a heart attack and just dropped down dead, so I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

And then, sadly, six months later, I found my Dad dead in bed.

They say you die of a broken heart, and I believe that.

It was a really difficult time.

I did go off the rails, 'cause they were my rock, my stability, really, so I felt really angry for, "How dare they leave me?"

And I've never felt so alone.

Even now, as an adult, I never give anybody 100%, because... [sighs] it feels like people either pass away or they go.

But that made me want my birth mum.

I've never needed somebody so much.

Anne's search for her mother started by looking at her own birth certificate.

I was born 19th of June, 1965, in St. Stephen's Hospital in Chelsea.

But the one amazing thing on here is that she called me her name, so my original name was Jean Gorley.

And I think that's quite special, really.

She's now spent over half her life trying to trace her mum, Jean Gorley, but without success.

Tried to find a birth certificate for her, and there was nothing in this country.

I did Salvation Army, private investigators-- no one could find anything.

At one point, when I got so desperate trying to find her, that I phoned most of the Gorleys in the phone book.

But no one could help.

But with her recent engagement, Anne's need to find her birth mum is more urgent than ever.

I do imagine my wedding here, but I want to look behind me and see my mum sitting in the front of the church there, looking proud.

Until she finds her mum, Anne has put her wedding plans on hold.

I just feel I can't get married until I've tried everything in my power to try and find her.

From her research, Anne was able to give us two vital pieces of information-- her mother, Jean's, name and date of birth.

So, why hasn't Anne been able to find any trace of her?

Like Anne, we couldn't locate a birth record for Jean Gorley.

But we did find one for Jean Gates, who had the same date of birth as Anne's birth mother.

This woman had been born illegitimately to a father called Gorley.

For over 30 years, Anne had been using the wrong surname in her search.

Now, at last, we had a record for Anne's birth mother.

With Jean's correct name, we were able to trawl records to trace her, but then we discovered that, tragically, Jean had died in 1975, aged just 31.

It's going to be such a shock for Anne to find out that the mother she's been looking for all these years died when Anne was still a child.

However, we also discovered that just a year after giving Anne up for adoption, Jean had married and then had another daughter, called Florence.

So, Anne has a younger sister.

We tracked Florence down to Northern Ireland, where she moved with her father fo llowing the death of her mum.

She agreed to meet me at he r home, just outside Belfast.

Jean passed away more than 40 years ago, so, did Florence know that her mother had a daughter before her?

And will she embrace becoming part of her sister's life?

Florence has been with her husband for 35 years and has a grown-up daughter.

-Hi.

-Florence, hi.

-How are you doing?

-Hiya.

I'm grand, thank you.

How are you?

Nice to see you.

Very, very well.

[Nicky] Thanks very much for having me.

Lovely.

Thank you for the tea.

-You're very welcome.

-So, is it Florence or Flo?

-Just Flo, please.

-Right.

Flo.

So, how do you feel about Anne?

I'm actually quite nervous.

Did you have any idea at all that she was out there?

No.

Totally, totally no idea, because my mum died when I was a child, so I presumed there was just me, so I was just shocked.

Anne's been searching for her birth mother for over 30 years.

That is a long, long time.

It is, considering that she's been dead all this time.

[Flo] Mm-hmm.

She died of cancer when I was 7 and a half.

It was very, very quick.

I remember going to visit her in the hospital, and then she was gone.

That was it.

It was very, very quick.

It changes you when you don't have a mum.

It's not the same.

It makes you grow up instantly.

And you have to look after yourself.

To me, it was like she left me, and I was angry, yeah.

Sorry.

-You felt abandoned?

-I did, yeah.

Very lonely.

When she left, I-- I couldn't forge relationships, get close to people.

I didn't want anyone coming up near me or anything.

The world stopped.

There's something of a parallel, I think, possibly, with Anne in that she had a really happy adoption, with wonderful parents, but they both died when she was 22.

-So, she too felt abandoned.

-Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, that's very sad for her, isn't it?

Because she's lost her mum, her dad, and her birth mum.

Do you think your father knew about Anne?

He would never have known.

I think he would have said something.

He wouldn't have kept that to himself.

Because if I ever knew, I would have wanted to find her, you know.

You wouldn't have just left her out there all that time, you'd have found her and brought her back to the family.

Do you have a picture of your mum?

Yes, I do.

She looks like a very kind woman.

I actually like this one, that's my favorite one there.

She actually wrote on the back of that one.

[Nicky] "To my darling John, your wife and baby daughter."

It's actually very sad that she never got to meet her, and I think it would have been good if my mum was here, that she would have got to meet Anne.

Here's the thing.

Anne's in a relationship with the love of her life, planning on getting married.

She has been holding off the date of the wedding, because she wants to find her birth mum, 'cause she wants somebody to be on her side of the church.

[Flo] Aww.

She'll have us.

Mm.

I wouldn't mind seeing a picture of her, if you had one.

-Do you have one?

-Yeah.

-Do you?

-Of course I do.

I'd like to see that.

[laughs] Oh, my goodness!

She reminds me of me.

I just wish we'd have met her years ago and looked out for each other.

I wish we'd had known.

Now I really want to meet her.

I want to get to know her.

[Davina] Martin Smith has always wanted to know why he was given up for adoption.

[phone ringing] -[Martin] Hello?

-Martin?

-Hello.

-Hi, it's Davina.

-Hi, Davina.

-How are you doing?

I'm on my way to meet Martin, because now, at last, we have news for him.

A million and one things are going through my mind now.

No idea what she's gonna tell me.

[Davina] When you've spent your life assuming that you were rejected, as Martin has, it must be very hard to change those perceptions of yourself.

But now that Martin's mum's been found, I can tell him just how hard she fought to keep him.

So, will he be able to let go of those feelings of rejection at last?

Well, you said you wanted to find out.

I do.

I do want to find out.

-Hey, Martin.

-Hello.

-How are you?

-You okay?

Yeah, all right?

-Are you all right?

-Nice to meet you.

-And you.

-Come in.

Thank you.

Thanks very much.

Thanks so much for seeing me.

I'd like to talk to you a little bit about when you found out that you were adopted.

Can you talk me through what happened?

I'd been told previously about adoption, but you don't kind of understand what that actually means.

You just assume you're the same as everybody else.

But the youngest photo of me is like kind of 2 years old.

So, it was obvious that something else had gone on.

So, you've never seen one of you as a baby?

No.

Would you like to?

Yeah.

Martin, this is you as a little baby.

Oh, wow!

How old am I there?

I don't know, but, I mean, you look weeks to me.

Wow!

That's amazing.

Where do you think we got that from?

From my mum.

Does that mean a lot?

[tearful] Yeah.

Yeah, it does.

'Cause that means she hasn't stopped thinking about me, has she?

She never stopped thinking about you.

That does mean a lot.

At 16, she left home, and she'd had you.

She did look after you for six or seven months, but she ended up on the streets, basically.

-She was sleeping in a park.

-Wow!

She said that... That must have been really hard.

...she was begging for money, she was struggling to feed you, and she just woke up one morning and just thought, "I can't keep doing this."

That's horrible that she should ever be put in that situation.

[Davina] Mm-hmm.

This is for you.

[Martin] "My beautiful son, Martin, I want you to know how much you are loved by me.

I never wanted to let you go.

It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make.

I have lived with regret ever since.

It broke my heart.

The only thing that got me through was that you were safe, warm, and loved.

I failed you as a mother.

I hope we can meet.

I need to tell you that I am so very grateful you came looking."

That's really good to read.

But sad at the same time.

Although she didn't do bad by me at all.

You know, I never regret my childhood and my growing up, and my family at all, and-- and I love them to bits.

But it's just sad that somebody has to hurt from it.

I guess this is where the healing begins.

For everyone.

Well, this is your mum.

She's lovely.

You know, I've spent most of my life wondering what she looks like.

That... that is amazing to see.

Thank you so much.

[gasps] Oh, she's lovely.

[Margaret] Hi.

They've found her.

Oh...

I'm so pleased for you.

[Margaret] Oh, that's the best outcome that could have ever happened.

[David] Oh, yeah, I'm really happy, yeah.

-Really happy.

-[Margaret] Really... really, really happy.

Today's the first day I meet my birth mother.

I lay awake last night, you know-- "Is this actually happening?

Is this even real?

[Laura] It feels like a dream, doesn't it?

Yeah.

It's just a feeling like it's so close, but it still feels so far away.

[Laura] He's excited, but I think he's nervous, 'cause he doesn't know how she's gonna feel, or where the relationship's gonna go.

It has affected him a lot.

You know, he does struggle with family things, 'cause he doesn't know where he comes from and the history behind his family.

[Martin] I can't wait to meet her.

In my own head, I've always had feelings of rejection, and I just feel like that can change now.

Everything that she did, as hard as it must be, she did it for the right reasons.

And I want to tell her that.

Martin is going to meet his mother at a hotel close to where he lives.

[Martin] What do you even say now?

[laughs] I get to meet her.

What else matters?

His mother wants to remain anonymous but is happy for us to follow Martin's journey.

[woman crying] -[Martin] You okay?

-[breathing heavily] Oh, my God, look at you!

Even better than the picture.

[Martin] It's so good to meet you.

[woman] It's so good to hold you.

It's like going home to the home that you didn't know you had.

I just want you to know that you were never not wanted.

There just wasn't anything.

If there had have been, I would have took it.

If there was a way to have kept you, I would have done it.

It's fine.

I'm...

I'm...

I'm complete.

[relieved laugh] I just feel like I've never not known her.

[mum] This was your hat when you first came out of hospital.

I've never had anything from you.

No, they wouldn't let me give you anything.

When he walked round the corner, that's my son, and my heart just felt like it was gonna burst.

Didn't want to let him go.

Meeting her answered who I am.

[Martin] I'll never ever own those feelings of rejection again.

And now, I just feel like it's a new beginning for everyone.

I'm on my way to see An ne Jordan, who's been looking for her birth mum, Jean, for over three decades.

It's so sad to think that all those years Anne was searching for her mother, and Jean had already died.

But now that we've found Anne's sister Flo, who also missed out on having her mother in her life, I wonder if that shared loss will bring them together.

We've already told Anne the news about her mum, but I'm still to tell her that she has a sister, Flo.

-Hi, Anne.

-Hi, Davina, hi.

-You all right?

-Yeah, come in.

Aw, thank you very much.

Um, thank you so much for seeing me, because I know that you had a lot to deal with.

To be honest, I feel even more lost, 'cause I sort of hoped that it would be good news.

It's just so tragic that she's not around, that she died so young, that's...

I feel it's really strange.

I need to grieve over that a bit.

-Yeah, of course you do.

-Yeah.

-We have found somebody.

-Who?

Your mum had a little girl two years after you, called Flo.

Did she know about... Did she know about me?

The problem was that your mum died when she was 7, so she didn't know about you.

There's no... no one really knows about me.

That's quite hard.

I think the really hard thing is that you'll never know -what your mum was thinking.

-No.

And you'll have to piece it together, I guess, from what your sister can tell you about the kind of woman that she was.

Do you have a picture... of my mum?

[Anne] So happy to have this.

[cries] It does feel comfort, because that's the thing that I keep saying over again-- "I need a picture."

Here, I've got another one of her and Flo.

[Anne] Oh, God!

Flo would like to give you lots more.

-Does she want to see me?

-Yes.

Really?

Must have been hard for her, because she's grown up without a mum too, so she can understand what it feels like.

There are a lot of similarities between the two of you.

-Really?

-Yeah.

I want to show you a picture of Flo, because I think it will all make sense when you see her.

Oh, my God, she's stunning!

She's fabulous.

Oh, wow!

But I can absolutely see a resemblance between the two of you.

Oh, my God, that's my sister.

I'm so grateful for this, 'cause I thought that I was never gonna get over this.

I was... just felt devastated.

But having a sister is amazing.

We can be a good comfort for each other.

She can walk me down the aisle.

That would be so nice, wouldn't it?

[lighthearted music playing] A few days after discovering she has a sister, Anne's traveled to London to meet Flo.

I'm thinking about my mum today, and I almost feel guilty for feeling happy about meeting my sister.

But I'd like to think that, actually, she's smiling, and it's okay.

I just hope it's everything I'm hoping it's gonna be.

This is the first time Flo has been back to London since she lived here as a young child with their mother.

[Flo] I'm feeling very tearful at the minute.

My mummy has been at the front of my head from when I woke up this morning.

Things I haven't thought about since I was tiny.

Like, I remember being... she took me out, um, with my dad, to buy me a coat.

And I remember it was a little red coat.

I think that's possibly the last thing she bought me.

I wish she was here.

The sisters are meeting at a pub in Chelsea, close to where Anne was born.

Now that Anne is here, I think it'll be easier for me, because it actually makes me feel that there's a part of my mum there, which, to me, is-- it's a shock, but it's also a good thing.

[Davina] So, we're getting pretty close now.

How are you feeling?

Nervous and excited all at the same time.

What are you gonna say?

What's... Like, what do you want to talk about?

Everything.

I mustn't get...

I get so excited, I want to say 300 things all at once.

I just want to feel connected, but also, I need to take it slow.

I'm getting a bit ahead of myself... Yeah.

...planning the future, and I need... [Davina] And that's... Is that what you want?

A future?

[Anne] Yeah.

[Davina] So, this is where I'm gonna say goodbye.

-[Anne] Thank you.

-Aww...

Your sister's in there.

[upbeat music playing] My goodness!

[Flo] Thank you for finding me.

[cries] My sister.

We've got the same eyes.

I noticed straight away.

[crying] It's just such a surprise.

I bet it was for you.

'Cause you never knew about me, did you?

I never knew.

I never knew.

[Flo] I'm so glad you found me, I really am.

You've no idea.

How are you feeling?

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm...

I just...

When I got the news, I was really devastated.

Yeah.

But then, to be told I had a sister, I could not believe it, could not believe it.

I wish I'd have known you years ago.

Do you know that?

It would have been amazing.

-[Anne] It would have been.

-Mm-hmm.

'Cause it sounds like you've had things quite tough.

Yeah.

I have.

I was very lonely growing up, very lonely.

You were so young when she died.

I just find that really sad.

Do you remember Mum at all?

Um...

I remember some things, yes.

But I haven't got lots and lots of-- of memories, if I'm honest, no.

I remember being told when she passed.

I remember that clear.

I ran up the stairs and hid in the bathroom.

But I never forgot that.

Then everything changed.

It makes me really sad, because she only had Mum for seven years, and I know I was given up at birth, but I've had a really stable childhood, and it sounds like she hasn't.

But I think, together, we can give each other comfort and support.

Is there anybody on Mum's side that you still see?

-No.

-Nobody?

Is there nobody... Is there anybody alive?

-I don't know.

-You don't know.

I lost contact with everybody.

I'd love to be able to say answers for you, but I don't know them.

You've got me now.

Yeah.

Same here.

Meeting Anne has definitely made me feel closer to my mum.

I've got some photographs to show you.

Oh, I'd love to see them.

[Flo] After all these years, seeing someone that has the same features as you and your mum was very comforting for me.

'Cause I know my mum's in there.

Yeah.

We're all part of the same person.

I haven't actually looked at these for years and years.

-Have you not?

-No.

[Flo] You have her cheekbones.

I can't get over it.

-[Anne] Do I?

-You do, yeah.

We've got the same eyes, same dimples.

I look like her.

And that's amazing to actually look like someone.

I'm actually thrilled to have a sister.

-Me too.

-I am really thrilled.

We're hoping to get married soon.

-Yes, I know.

-And now that I've found you, I really would like it if you walk me down the aisle.

-Really?

-Mm-hmm.

Of course.

Don't want me or Anne to be lonely anymore.

I want us to have someone to talk to and rely on.

She's amazing.

She's so amazing.

Um...

I just...

I adore her.

[peaceful music playing]